Every time I seem to being doing great and not thinking about a baby, it comes rushing back at unexpected moments. I'll be driving and singing along to music and having a great time and next thing I know I'm crying at a red light. I'm not crazy or even sad but can't seem to let go of the feeling that something was taken from me. I have trouble being humble and trusting in the Lord, when I don't see where He's going with something. And I know we can't always see where our paths are going but I'd like a road sign from time to time....
I'm just wondering (out loud? well as loud as my typing is..) how long it will take for my wounds to heal or at least toughen up a bit.
It feels like I wear a sign that states, "Hello, my name is Ami and I can't have any more children." and that diminishes my woman-ness. I'm less attractive and broken. My head knows that it's not true (and my mirror....hahaha) but my raw, aching heart will believe anything right now.
I'm just venting and not looking for sympathy or anything. I just know that a group of mothers would understand this more than anyone else.
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2 comments:
i can't even imagine what you are going through right now. if you ever need to talk, please call me- i'm a good listener. :)
I feel the same way about not being able to have any kids. I am so sorry.
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