When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Henri Nouwen

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Hello everyone!! I started this blog as a way to support other women who are going through or have gone through infertility issues. I thought we could start off by telling our stories and giving a little bit of history so we all start out knowing a little more about each other.

Here's my story:

I have 2 beautiful sons that are my world. My problem is more an indirect fertility issue. I can get pregnant but once I'm pregnant the drama begins. The moment I become pregnant a sever form of hyperemesis gravidarum which is basically violent morning sickness to the point that I'm hospitalized and losing weight rapidly begins.

6 PICC lines, countless hospital stays, 2 times septic, 1 stroke scare, 3 failed epidurals & 2 failed spinals which led to 1 spinal migraine, 8 days radioactive and in ICU unable to hold my newborn, 6 months of bed rest,18 month post-baby recovery, 75 gained pounds later I've come to terms with the fact that my body's not meant to have children. That doesn't mean I can't be a mother again.

It's taken me 3 years to come to terms with this and I'm actually having my tubes tied in the next few weeks to make it official. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Everyone in my life is supportive but they really don't understand. It's not that I'm not grateful for the children I do have in my life but it was a mourning process for the children I can never "have" and the nice happy pregnancy I'll never experience. There are still days when I see some happy pregnant lady at the store or a newborn at church that I get that pain in my heart. I don't think it'll ever go away but having friends like you can help me notice it less and less!!

3 comments:

Lisa said...

I made it here!!! :)

honeyfam said...

i'm so sorry- and i will always be here for you. *hugs* i love you!

Krista said...

hey ami...
i'm so sorry...what a hard thing to go through...sounds like you've already been through so much with your prior pregnancies! wow! i've always looked up to you especially during all those yw years...you endured so much and with a smile and your usual fun humor. i love ya ami! i think your pretty much AMAZING!! Ü